I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize