So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
