She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
