In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
