11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
