Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
