I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
