i'm signing you up for texting rehab
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
