I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
