you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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