is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
