Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
