i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
