You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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