if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
