I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
