ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
