then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
