last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
