It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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