i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
