Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
