Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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