Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
