I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
