As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
