Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
