It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my phone needs a breathalizer
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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