You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
