the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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