My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
