Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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