youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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