Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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