just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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