I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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