see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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