u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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