so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
