Is it normal to miss your booty call?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
