I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
