either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
