I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
