You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
