Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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