I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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