she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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