how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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