Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she peed on how many people?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
