Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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