my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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