I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
