What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
