Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
