my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
