he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
