if you like me you must not know who I am
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
