Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
