I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
