he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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