Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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