Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
