I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize