everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
