My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
