Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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