I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
