Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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