the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
