Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
