I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my shit smells like andre
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
