we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The air taste purple.
Randomize
