the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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