My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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