I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
