why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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