Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
