hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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