I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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